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Category Archives: children

Update: Praise God. She’s back home safe and sound.

Have You Seen Me….?

Autiyana “Tiana” Hughley 

Height: 5’5 ½
Weight: 150 lbs.
Hair: Brown (Blonde)
Eyes: Hazel
Age: 15
Missing since Tuesday February 16, 2010
(Last Seen at 6:30 AM on her way to the bus stop)
Park Hoover Condos @ 64th and Hoover Rd, Indianapolis

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Please call Mom at 317-405-8986 or email at cadarring@yahoo.com or contact IMPD.
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If you live in a state which has laws permitting the establishment of charter schools, this means that you can establish a high performing school that educates our kids correctly and does everything that our failing public schools do not, and the state will pay the tuition for children to go there. 

All over the country, blacks give charter schools little support or actively fight to limit or eliminate them.  What is it about the above that we don’t understand?

Crossposted from A Work In Progress – (Yes Villager, Alaine does post). As always, she takes mindshare.

Plan B?


The morning-after pill — made by Duramed, a subsidiary of Barr Pharmaceuticals — is intended to prevent pregnancy after unprotected sex. It works by stopping ovulation and decreasing the chances that a fertilized egg will attach to the uterus. When used within 72 hours of unprotected sex, it can lower the risk of pregnancy by almost 90 percent, the maker says.

The casual nature surrounding the Plan B pill is extremely interesting to me. The pill will be available to “women age 17 and older” the FDA announced today. What child do you know classifies as a woman at age 17. I’m not even opening the conversation for true debate – I’m really just reflecting on what I know to be the case. Every memory of being 17 reminds me that 17 year olds are not women – they are children in more mature bodies. When I look around at the family members, church members, neighbors and friends who are 17, they too are not women. Young women in training maybe, but do we want Plan B to be part of their educational process?

For the most part, we’re talking about young people who still rely on their parents for food, clothing and shelter. When, and if they work, they earn what my mother used to affectionately call “play money.” Even when I worked as a young “woman” I wasn’t responsible for my living expenses and upkeep, I was really just offsetting the tremendous expenses I was incurring. When I look at who I dated, the decisions I made and the person I thought I wanted to be – I realize that I have evolved into a much different person. Thank God. Instead of allowing young girls the time, space and ability to evolve into who they aspire to be, we have created a society that believes fast and easy is the answer for everything. And we’re producing a generation of fast. and easy.

Planned Parenthood and every group that supports them may very well consider this a victory, which is a sad commentary on our evolution as a society and a community anyway. The real concern that I have, however, rests with the false premises associated with pseudo abortion as a family planning method. Since when does someone who doesn’t qualify as an adult in any other context become woman enough to obtain medical treatment without parental consent? At 17 I had already graduated from high school, started college and moved into my “higher education experience”. At that time I couldn’t get an antibiotic without using the insurance card that was directly tied to the medical coverage my mother paid for. Allergy medicine required authorization. How in the world do we go from that to Plan B.

I surely wish we’d write more articles about Plan A. I imagine Plan B, Plan C and Plan D could have many alternatives other than the “Oops pill.” Oops I shouldn’t have had unprotected sex, so let me ingest an emergency (cough) contraception (cough) pill (cough), so that I don’t have any of the consequences. If we continue to believe that the only damage done by poor judgment is physical, we are doing a disservice to the young ladies we are bringing up as the next generation. We have authored and labeled alternatives as if we are oblivious to the historical, cultural, societal, personal, emotional and financial implications of the choices being made. I know that someone will write, or think, its a woman’s choice. I dare say, we aren’t talking about women at all. This isn’t a choice in my book – plan B offers more stunted growth in decision making. No wonder we can’t problem solve or plan strategically, from an early age we’re taught that there are no consequences to our choices.

We live in an oversexed society that trains young girls from birth that their value is tied to their sexuality and virtue, or lack thereof. When they are tweens we are preparing them for being teens. The new teen looks like the equivalent of your average 20 something – with less fashion taste, and even less sense. We try to make it better by saying that 17 year olds are women and spouting about their rights. With rights come responsibility, and I don’t see very many children at age 17 being ready for all of those either. What can we expect of the women we are raising, when Plan B is covered in the media like something to celebrate as a culture. Plan A could be Abstinence. or Adoption. or Academics. or Athletics. or Aspirations. or the ability to actually grow up.

A better name for Plan B would be Plan F – we keep failing our girls.

And now, something a little different…..

As a parent, one is of necessity deeply involved (or should be) in the entertainment material which your children consume. This means that I have seen, or in some cases heard (driving the van, kids in back watching movie) many childrens movies again and again. The wacky thing is that you end up having favorite movies and opinions about this media made for kids, which I often end up feeling wacky about, because it just seems perverse. I only take comfort in the fact that other parents probably understand where I’m coming from, whereas those without children largely think you’re crazy.

So, a few of what I consider the more memorable picks and pans from the pantheon of children’s entertainment I am forced as a father to consume:

The Incredibles:
One of my all time favorites. One of those really good childrens movies that’s working marvelously on an adult level and kid level at the same time. They put marital conflict, childrearing challenges, money woes, career and relationship issues along with a dollop of existential debate about mediocrity and achievement into a great looking action flick. A complete winner.


Curious George:
Oh dear God, it was an ordeal to sit through. I owned and read the Curious George books as a child and like most other kids, I was enchanted by them. When the movie came out, I was game to see the big screen adaptation of this wonderful childhood favorite, and I just knew it was going to be special to watch it with my own kids. It was special all right. Especially dull. It was the exact opposite of the Incredibles in effect. It was designed for the kids, period. They enjoyed it, but if you were an adult, sitting through it was deadly boring. The best part about it is the beginning with its opening montage of George and the Jack Johnson soundtrack playing, which perfectly captures George’s spirit. After that, it was pure torture. Parents, you are duly warned.

Ratatouille
I took my kids to the drive-in to see this movie, and though I actually enjoyed the movie more or less, I could not help but be creeped out by the film almost throughout the entire movie. I’m sorry, but conceptually, I just got a problem with the idea of rats and food, and this movie is all about a rat that wants to be a chef. The movie intermittently creeped me out everytime they had a scene where the rat star was up in the middle of some food preparation. I was just like, heck no! But I was just really outdone near the end, when the rat has to call on his rat family of hundreds to help him cook the food for the restaurants patrons and they come flooding in their thousands into the kitchen and they are all up in the people’s FOOD! I asked my wife about this later. Didn’t that bother you? But she thought it was charming. The sweetest, smartest, sexiest clean freak I know. Go figure.

Flushed Away
Charming is a good word for this one. Thoroughly enjoyed it, and there is a little kick in the idea of Hugh Jackman (Wolverine in the X-Men) voicing the character of Roddy, the slightly timid but brave rat hero of the film. Kate Winslet was an excellent Rita. What I enjoyed in particular though was the villain, Toad, voiced by Ian McKellan (a villain in the X-Men, Magneto). In his introductory scene, he has a monologue and then a repartee with Roddy that is hilariously madcap. I laughed so hard I nearly cried (I tell this to people without small children and they laugh….nervously). This one is a lot of fun, with singing slugs , adventure and the droll english sense of humour in the monty python tradition, but funny (isn’t it interesting how humour is cultural? Monty Python is a comedic dynasty, but most of it gets not a laugh from me, but the brits find it hilarious while I usually don’t get it)

Another thing that comes with parenting territory is noticing odd stuff like the fact that in a large number of the Disney films, they kill off the mother or she is dead and simply not present, and this is a consistent theme in Disney movies for years. Think about it: Bambi, Finding Nemo, Brother Bear, Beauty and the Beast, etc. I don’t know whether to consider it sinister or just lack of creativity. But its odd.

Soooo, those are a few of my picks. So what about the rest of you lot? Am I the only parent out here that develops a real interest and opinion about these childrens films? Have you got your favorites too? Or has being a parent simply made me an oddball?

And now, something a little different.

I don’t blog much about our family and children and relationships, an area I’m far less competent to discuss in comparison to my wife, who has spent her life writing about such things. But every once in a while, I have an insight.

I didn’t grow up with my father, never even met him until I was 14. Mine was a single parent home. My mother raised me and my Dad simply wasn’t in the picture. For the most part, I can only recall feeling sorry for myself about this once during childhood. It was a moment that passed quickly and I got on with life. Having no Dad was just the way it was and how it had always been. While it never really troubled me, paradoxically, I grew up resolving that I would have a whole family one day and that my children would know their father.

Even still, though I understand intellectually that my children love me and that my interaction and presence in their life is important and meaningful to them, I have to confess that more often than not it doesn’t feel particularly real and present to me. But sometimes it gets brought home to me with great clarity.

Not long ago, my 6 year old son Noah (pictured top left), had a Daddy’s Day at school. On this day, all the Dads were to come for lunch and eat with their kids and hang out with them. I was a few minutes late arriving at the school and when I got there, the children had already been seated in the cafeteria with their Dads at the tables. I walked in and began looking for my son. I spotted him before he spotted me. He was looking for me too. He was sitting at the table, scanning the room, on the lookout for me. It was the look on his face as he searched anxiously for sign of his Dad that I haven’t forgotten since: a look of worry and concern, maybe even the beginnings of fear, that his Dad was not going to be there for him, that maybe he had been abandoned. It was a look that told me that while this was perhaps just an inconvenient interruption of my workday for me, that for him it was a big frikking deal. It mattered to him big time. It made a difference to him if I was there or not.

I waved to catch his attention as I strode forward to join him, like a giant through a crowd of elves. For a moment, all I thought was “let me banish that look from his eyes right now”. When he saw me, his face lit up like the brightest strobe light you’ve ever seen (my son has a wonderful smile). He hollered “Daddy” as I came into his view and instantly his demeanor changed from fearful and worried to happy and carefree. We had a wonderful time. But in that moment before he knew I was there, when he was “looking for Daddy”, I learned something about how very real and important my presence is to him. I grew up without Dad and its clear to me that I really missed something, though strangely enough, its hard to define what it was. But now and then, I gain glimpses of what I lost through my children, who have what I did not. I never knew a childhood with my father. My children will never know one without.

All-Female Street Fight Ends In Murder, Pregnant Woman Killed, 2 Others Injured When Woman Rams Her Car Into Brawl – CBS News

Okay, I’m just shaking my head on this one. Thats really all I can do. I’m trying to imagine 20 young black woman, progesterone raging, lining up on sides to throw down in what sounds like an old fashioned gang fight. What is going on in our communities that we have this kind of nonsense breaking out? What the hell are we doing (or not doing) in our families that we have this craziness happening? Incidentally, I guess its become politically incorrect to say gangfight or something, because every news account I’ve seen uses this sanitized “planned confrontation” phrase to describe the fight. Thats interesting all by itself.

As we marching in Galveston for Megan and we keep sleeping on Dunbar Village and we mad about Michael Vick and tripping on the Dog, in LA, a 21 year old child of God intentionally got behind the wheel of her car and drove it headlong into another child of God who was eight months pregnant with still another child of God. She didn’t care about the girl’s life or the baby growing inside her. She just ran her down in the moment. She turned herself in. Maybe later she couldn’t believe she had done it. Maybe she feels remorse. I hope so. At least that would signal that she had not left her humanity behind, that we had not completely failed to teach her anything before she made this horrible decision to kill.

A march won’t fix this.

All-Female Street Fight Ends In Murder, Pregnant Woman Killed, 2 Others Injured When Woman Rams Her Car Into Brawl – CBS News

Okay, I’m just shaking my head on this one. Thats really all I can do. I’m trying to imagine 20 young black woman, progesterone raging, lining up on sides to throw down in what sounds like an old fashioned gang fight. What is going on in our communities that we have this kind of nonsense breaking out? What the hell are we doing (or not doing) in our families that we have this craziness happening? Incidentally, I guess its become politically incorrect to say gangfight or something, because every news account I’ve seen uses this sanitized “planned confrontation” phrase to describe the fight. Thats interesting all by itself.

As we marching in Galveston for Megan and we keep sleeping on Dunbar Village and we mad about Michael Vick and tripping on the Dog, in LA, a 21 year old child of God intentionally got behind the wheel of her car and drove it headlong into another child of God who was eight months pregnant with still another child of God. She didn’t care about the girl’s life or the baby growing inside her. She just ran her down in the moment. She turned herself in. Maybe later she couldn’t believe she had done it. Maybe she feels remorse. I hope so. At least that would signal that she had not left her humanity behind, that we had not completely failed to teach her anything before she made this horrible decision to kill.

A march won’t fix this.